She Thought, He Thought

My new financial lifestyle started a little less than 4 months ago and with this blog and PF community as my accountability partner, I thought I was able to communicate with my hubby better to actually be on the “same page” in this journey called our life. I even mentioned it in another post about how we have the same financial goals now and we’re both on board with budgeting and etc. And, yes, we have been following our budget and have been better at paying down our debt. However, what we were thinking inside our head was completely different. Mainly what we were thinking about how the other person was perceiving this situation was very different.

I had a post about life insurance few weeks back in this post. At this point, I was only researching and thinking by myself about life insurance. And recently, I felt like it’s important enough to bring it up to my hubby to talk about it and make a final decision. I was not expecting for my hubby to react the way he did. He didn’t think life insurance was necessary for us and thought that money could be put else where. Ok, he has his own opinion, that’s fine, but I didn’t think he would flat out oppose to it. But that’s not why I’m bringing this up.

My husband thought that the past few months of us budgeting and changing our spending habits have been a major stress factor for me. He felt like instead of putting that money to life insurance, I could use it to find a new hobby to make me less stressed and not be so restricted to do anything due to lack of money. He said that he would rather use that money to provide some kind of relief for me from this financial budgeting madness.

I was dumbfounded, because I wasn’t and am not stressed. I don’t like having debt like everybody else and I do admit that I was overwhelmed in the beginning when I realized what kind of mess we were in. But I soon found joy in taking control of ourlives and looking at our numbers getting better little by little. We clearly saw different things in each other and read the other person totally wrong.

At the end, he agreed to getting life insurance for both of us one year from now. But until then, put that money aside for my own personal fun use to do whatever I want. I argued that I would be happy to put that money toward our debt, but for some reason, he wants me to keep that money away from everything else but me. I reluctantly agreed. Even if I’m perfectly fine, he’s still not convinced. We were on the same page on the outside and yes, we are still, but it’s interesting to see how we perceive each other’s attitude toward the same situation so differently. One thing for sure is that we need to communicate with each other better and more clearly.

Have you ever thought you were on the same page with your significant other just to find out you weren’t?


10 thoughts on “She Thought, He Thought

  1. Perception is a powerful thing, but it’s good that you actually talked about it.
    I have never had an instance where I thought me and the bf were on the same page but weren’t. I already know how he feels about banks 🙂

  2. When I was first wanting to get our finances in order, I totally thought Leslie and I were on the same page with our budget. Turns out I was WAY off and she actually had no idea about our finances at all. Since then we’ve talked more about our budget and she’s been more involved with things and that’s helped out a lot. Having our blog has also helped because we can talk about each of our perspectives and see how it all ties in with our financial plans.

    • We need to talk about our finances in detail more often to make sure we are actually on the same page. It’s great that you guys are both involved in your blog. It’s helpful for the readers to get different perspectives and helpful for you guys to be connected even more.

  3. At least that’s nice that he’s looking at your stress level (albeit not as high as he thinks)… so at least he’s caring! We’re pretty much on the same page with how to handle things, but I think he’s like your hubby in thinking I need to mellow out about stuff. I do get high strung, though, so he’s pretty good about calming me down about some things.

    • I wish he’s more hardcord about our finances, but oh well~ like you said, at least he’s caring. I think men just freak out about us freaking out. I guess I need to clearly tell him, I AM OK!!

  4. I think that’s very sweet that even though his perceptions were wrong, his heart is in the right place. Paying down debt is SO STRESSFUL at times that we have to remember to take a little time to “treat” ourselves once in awhile too. J and I are on the same page in regards to finance but that’s what happens when 2 people blog about personal finance 😉

    • As you can tell by the pace of our debt going down, we are treating ourselves and not going crazy with it. I guess for us, being on the same page means a slow learning process. I’m curious to know what my husband would write if he had a financial blog.

  5. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. My wife and I definitely have to work on our communication skills as sometimes we think we’re on the same page but we’re not. I’m not sure if it’s relevant but the book The Five Love Languages is pretty good. It talks about how different people communicate in different love languages.

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