Well, this is not a how-to post about making new friends or anything to do with personal finance. This is a cry for help to other bloggers who can tell me how-to make new friends. I don’t know if I’m one of the few
losers people that have trouble with this or there are many other closeted people who are looking to find new friendships and having difficult time like I am. I find myself being lonely and wanting girl friends that I can call up out of the blue to have coffee or go shopping or talk about books or go out to the city on weekends. Actually I don’t care what. I just want someone that’s emotionally and physically available to form a friendship with me. I guess to diagnose my problem properly and come up with solutions, I need to tell you more about my situation and personality in real life.
I grew up in northern Virginia most of my life, so I’m not even new to this area. I was very quiet and basically a wall flower in my high school years. I had maybe 2 or 3 close friends, but by end of high school, they all moved away to either California or New York. I did try to stay in touch, but I gave up after couple of years since I was the only one who was still trying. Once I stopped, the relationship ended immediately. In college, I made a few new friends, but it was cut short since my mom got sick and I had to quit school to take care of her. For couple of years, I basically didn’t have the time, money or even a desire to meet friends since I was wrapped up in taking care of my mom and making ends meet. I lost contact with most of my college friends other than 1 or 2 that I see maybe once every other year or so. They all meet up regularly and stay close since they graduated together and had similar life journey so far.
After my mom got stable for a while, I started meeting new people through friends, church, and work. But nothing really lasted. For some, it didn’t last because I didn’t hear from them once they started dating someone. For others, they moved away and same thing happened like before. Once I stopped trying, that was it. And more often though, they already had close group of friends, so they weren’t looking for a new friend. They were perfectly happy with keeping me as just an acquaintance. So I made acquaintances, but not friends. I did get lucky and found my best friend during this time. She and I are very different, but we really tried to be each other’s friend by doing things the other person was interested in, making time to spend it together, keeping in touch, and etc. It sounds simple, but she’s the only one who’s been consistently there for me and constantly working on maintaining this friendship. But since she has a kid herself and we live about 1 ½ hour away, we get to see each other once or twice a month.
Then people started getting married and it got even harder. Even more difficult when they started having babies. They’re always busy with their family and other friends. Since I don’t have a baby, our priorities are different too. I do try to open up first and contact people even though I’m quite shy. But it’s hard when the other party is not open to new friendship for various reasons. I tried joining couple of meet up groups, but so far I didn’t have luck. Even meet up groups seemed clique-ish. So here I am.
How do you guys make new friends in your 30’s? What do I need to do? Where do I go to meet new friends?