Pride and Money

I know this topic has been talked about by many bloggers before, but it came to my attention again last weekend.  My hubby and I met up with my friend and her husband for dinner to celebrate her birthday.  My friend’s husband mentioned during dinner how his father in law bought a practically new pair of shoes for their daughter.  They both said the shoes still had the tag and looked new, but it was bought second hand from someone instead of a store.  I was expecting him to say something like how it was a great deal, but instead he said he didn’t want his daughter to wear it.  He doesn’t want her wearing anything second hand.  He couldn’t say anything to the father in law and his daughter loves the new shoes, so he can’t do anything about it.  But he did not appreciate that at all.

To be honest, he caught me off guard.  I just said something like, I wouldn’t mind at all since it was a gift, it was pretty much new, and kids grow up so fast.  I knew he’s stubborn and he wouldn’t change his mind, but at least my reasons had practical aspects of it.  His reason for not liking anything second hand for his daughter is his pride and never mind the financial situation they’re in.  He basically said as a father, he wants what’s best for his daughter and if he can’t buy nice new things for her, he’s not a worthy father.  Of course, he had to add at the end about the fact that I’m not a parent and I wouldn’t understand until I become one.  Yes, I’m not a parent, but I don’t think I’d change my mind about that even if I had a kid of my own.  His value system and mine are very different. Amount of money spent, although it can mean something good, does not equal the amount of love I have for whoever the money is directed at.  Money is important, but it is not the source for my pride and self-worth. 

So this got me thinking.  What’s your pride preventing you from doing?  Not about not giving up Starbucks latte because you love it so much, but something that touches something more vulnerable within.  Even though I say money is not the source of my pride, I do have things that I let my stupid pride get in the way of.  For me, I have hard time asking for discount or special pricing because of my pride.  I feel embarrassed to haggle and bargain.  I know in my head it’s ok and it shouldn’t hurt my pride, but I can’t get the words out of my mouth.

Have you talked to other people about your pride tied to your money?  Do people around you have a similar money philosophy?

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12 thoughts on “Pride and Money

  1. Great post! Believe it our not, me, the cheapskate, coupon clipping fool had difficulty using coupons and using discounts in my early adulthood. But obviously, my perceptions have changed. Like you, I once had a hard time with haggling. But you would be amazed the money you can save if you simply ask if they would take $20 when they are asking $25. Most people will say yes! I once was too good for garage/estate sales and thrift shops. But I figure if I can save $ on things I “need” then there will be more $ for things I “want” and more to give away. So, I have gone to the other extreme and I take pride in finding great deals! LOL.

  2. Really interesting – I don’t have a kid, either, but I would think it was a great deal, as well (well, with clothing… shoes I get somewhat picky with, especially if they’re sandals or something). I hope the daughter doesn’t, in turn, look down at people solely because they buy second hand (after learning it from her father). It’s that type of judgment that really bothers me. I think for me it was the same thing – about not asking for a discount or if there’s any specials. I’ve learned to change that, though, since it doesn’t hurt to ask. It’s a work in progress, but it’s helped save on stuff that I would have bought.

    • I sometimes worry about that too. My friend’s daughter will learn from her parents. Even though my friend’s not like that, her husband is. I don’t know how her daughter will turn out in terms of attitude towards money, but hopefully she’ll find a good balance.

  3. I have a great kid related example of my pride costing me thousands of dollars. We live in a small working class town in a fairly well to do area. My daughter (at 3) wanted to take dance class so I enrolled her in the most expensive school in the area (because obviously it had to be the best). She loved the first year, loved it a little less the second year, and it got a little worse each year. She decided she didn’t want to be a serious dancer, but still wanted to dance. But for me, this school was the best so she had to dance there regardless of the mean kids, the dance moms, and the five hours per week of classes. This year when it was time to register, she refused. She point blank told me she didn’t want to dance at the expensive serious school, she wanted to dance at the recreational school closer to home where we know some of the teachers. And she couldn’t be happier to go to dance once a week for an hour. Monthly savings: $125. I don’t want to even do the math to know how much I’ve wasted over the past FIVE years of making her go to the “best” school!!!

  4. I would not give my kid second hand shoes. I can accept the idea of some nice hand-me-downs from close FRIENDS, who might feel like giving us some of the clothing their kids grew in (and I know the people in case and how clean/well-cared for they are), but I would NOT purchase second hand clothing and clearly not give my kid shoes that were previously worn (under no circumstance).

    I might be a germophobe, don’t know, but this is something I wouldn’t quite accept. Truth be told we’re in the position to be able to purchase everything she’ll need, so we don’t quite need support in this matter or to save money by going the second-hand route.

    • I think my concern has to do with their financial situation and his money attitude. I totally understand you not wanting used shoes for your kids and if you have the money, there’s no reason.

  5. I’m a parents (although new at it…only 6 months). I understand wanting what’s best for your child, but that doesn’t mean spending a lot. I wouldn’t want something unhealthy or unsafe for my child. But what does how much it costs have to do with it? People with that thought process drive me nuts sometimes.

    • I agree with you. Best doesn’t equal load of money spent. If he had the means to waste money, he can do whatever with his money. But I know what kind of financial situation they’re in (his money attitude probably contributed a lot to their current financial situation), that’s why I’m concerned.

  6. I know a ton of people who are like this. It’s pretty annoying if you ask me. If the shoes are pretty much like new and it was a lot cheaper than the regular price, then what’s the harm? This is why I love thrifting – you never know when you can find something from a luxury brand for much cheaper.

    • I think he feels like he has to show off to get respect. I’m sure part of it is that he does want what’s best for his daughter, but I think part of it has to do with showing other people that he has “best” things. I will never understand and don’t want to understand his thinking process.

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